I was already in the hospital for a few days when I was told that I was going to be having my baby early. Actually I was visiting with a couple of people when they came in and took my blood pressure. It was 180/115. Not good.
I completely freaked out. I didn’t know what I was going to do. It was too early. She wasn’t finished baking yet. I completely freaked out. Also not good for my blood pressure. Did I mention that I freaked out? The nurses and doctors ran in to get me prepped for an emergency C-Section. A surgery that was going to save my and my baby’s life.
I had never had surgery before.
I was by myself. No parent, no husband. Just me.
I could die. My daughter could die.
I was ready to lose my mind.
There was a doctor – she was really young. I never got her name. She called for the surgery. While they were rolling me down to the O.R. I tried every elementary excuse that I could think of why I couldn’t go into that surgery right at that moment. Finally that young doctor walked over to me and grabbed my hand.
“Parris, you are about to be a mother. We are going to take you down to surgery, and afterwards, you will not pregnant anymore. You need to do this for you and your baby. Stop being scared and start being a mom.”
I stopped crying and said okay. Needless to say, my surgery went well and we lived happily ever after. I don’t recall seeing that doctor again, or maybe I did – I was under a lot of medicine that made me loopy.
That little pep talk that doctor gave me is the pep talk that I needed to hear for the rest of my life. There were a lot of things that I was scared to do before I became a mother. I was scared to drive. After I became a mom, I bought a car. I was scared to live on my own – now I do. I would have been scared to move to a brand new city on my own, but I was able to do that alone as well .
That pep talk is exactly what I needed to endure those long weeks in the NICU that were coming next. That voice is what I heard when I decided it was time for me to file for my divorce. Stop being scared and start being a mom. The first time I had to take her to the ER by myself in the middle of the night. The time that we were in that car accident and I had to jump over the back seat to make sure that she was okay and get her out – even though I was the only one that needed the ambulance.
Every time I am going to bat for my child – in any way, I rethink her telling me to stop being scared and to start being a mom.
So thank you unknown doctor – for giving me the talk that I needed for the rest of my life.