One of the things that have always bothered me is that, I don’t remember much about my father. I have heard that he had an accent – being from Belize, I am sure that he did. I just don’t remember how he sounded. The last thing that I would ever want is for my daughter to not remember me should I pass on.
One thing that I have adopted is the idea of writing her a journal. In that journal I write, well basically everything that I want. And I mean ANY and EVERY thing. I have realized how important for me it is for my daughter to know certain things from me. I wanted her to know how important it is for her to have an education. I wanted her to learn to find something that she is passionate about and perfect it.
I wanted her to know from me – my part me and her father’s divorce. That is not about blaming any one for anything – that is more about me being able to own my own actions, regardless for the reason of the break-up. I don’t want her to hear any other rumors from anyone else.
I also write to her song lyrics and poems. I tell her my thoughts and my fears. I have written to her about the times that I was bullied in high school, and how that made me feel. I also talked about how I over came those feelings. I talked about my first boyfriend, and how amazing he was, so that she would have an idea of how those first thoughts of puppy love are.
I talk to her about God, most importantly. I talk to her about how we go through love and hate relationships with our faith and how what you believe has to come from deep in your heart and that no one else can shape that for you. Your parent’s or guardians can start you on that journey, but it’s up to you to find your way.
I talk to her about memories – the “firsts” that she and I have had together, our first place, my first car and driving her in it, our first Easter alone … those kinds of things.
What I did was go into a dollar tree and got a thick empty journal and I write every thing in there. One day when I was in Wal-mart, they were having a roll back sale on decorative duct-tape. I covered the whole book with the tape so it looked nice and I write in there.
Doing this for my daughter is so important to me because her emotional health is so important to me. I cannot promise her that I will be there all the time, or that I will live forever, but what I can make sure is that she will always know how mommy felt about something, or what would mommy do?
There have been so many times that it was just me and her. There were times that I wanted to talk to her about “big people things” but it wasn’t appropriate or she could not talk back to me to tell me that she understood. I don’t ever want to be an enigma to her. I believe that understanding the values of what your parents stand for is so important to raising a healthy young woman. Mentally and emotionally. Writing is my tool. For you, it may be something different, maybe you sew, or you paint, or you just have these dope recipes. Leave them for your children, you can instill those passions in them forever.
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